Conflict in the Church Part One

CONFLICT IN THE CHURCH

PART ONE

When I was a young pastor I was surprised by the amount of conflict in my church. At first, I thought I simply needed to find a better place of ministry. But I began to talk to other pastors and church leaders. I discovered American churches are full of conflict.

One of the main reasons for conflict in the church is our expectations on one another. We expect too much or expect the wrong things. Unfulfilled expectation leads to disappointment, and disappointment often produces conflict.

Years ago a person in my denomination did an informal study. They surveyed pastors and lay elders. They asked lay elders what pastors should accomplish each week, and they asked pastors what lay elders should perform each week.

The results were amazing. If the pastors completed all the elders’ expectation, it would take 90 hours per week to complete all the task. But if the lay elders accomplished the pastors’ expectation, it would take 60 hours a week to complete their work. This 60 hours of church work was beyond the lay elders secular job.

But there’s something else. Another study looked at the expectations on pastors. The research reveals the average church expects pastors to perform fourteen to sixteen skills. While most pastors only have four skills. If the average pastor only has four skills, this means the minister can never fulfill the expectations of the congregation. Within time the pastor will always disappoint their congregation.

How do we respond to these unrealistic expectations?

First, we need to make sure our expectations are Biblical.

In Acts 6:4 the Apostles made it clear their primary ministry was the preaching of God’s Word and prayer. To accomplish this task, they set up a group of seven deacons to take care of the distribution of food for the widows.

The Apostles were not saying waiting on tables was below their church position. They understood the ministry of the Word and prayer was more than enough for them to handle. Others could use their gifts, abilities, and talents to fulfill the other relevant ministries.

At this point, a pastor might make this proclamation to his lay leaders. “For now on I will only focus on the ministry of the Word and prayer. But most churches need a pastor who will gently and patiently speak into their lives. Such changes will take time. It took five years for me to bring about this change in a congregation.

I am not saying a pastor should only do the ministry of Word and prayer. But I am saying this. The primary ministry of a pastor is the ministry of the Word and prayer. The pastor and lay leaders, therefore, should work together to make this expectation clear to church members.

Second, we need to make sure our expectations are realistic.

Years ago a denomination sent a young pastor to a congregation. He was given this mandate. “Turn the congregation around.” The denominational leaders did not realize they were setting the young man up for failure. The out-migration of the community prevented the church from making a comeback.

There are a lot of unrealistic expectations on pastors. One lay leader expected his pastor to preach like RC Sproul. A couple insisted their pastor spend three or four days each week on the golf course doing evangelism. Even though there was no problem, a woman expected her pastor to visit her elderly parents each week. A deacon expected his pastor to visit each family in the church once a month.

In all the above situations the persons involved were well-meaning. They cared about the ministry of their church. But they did not understand their expectations were unrealistic and sharing their unrealistic expectations with others destroyed the ministry of their pastor. That’s why pastors and lay leaders need to work together to shape the expectations of church members.

Years ago at a church leadership meeting, I was accused of not doing enough visitation. Suddenly a deacon came to my rescue. He raised this question to the group. “Isn’t Dan always there when we need him.?” Everyone gave a resounding and confident, “Yes!” From that point on the congregation had a more realistic expectation of my ministry.

Conclusion

Years ago a lay leader said this to me. “The number one cause of church conflict is our expectations of one another.” I don’t know if this is the number one cause of church conflict. But I do know pastors, lay leaders, and church members need to raise this question to themselves. “Are my expectations Biblical and realistic?