CURING CHURCH CONFLICT

CURING CHURCH CONFLICT

The members of First Church (not the real name of the church) consistently made false accusations against one another. They would regularly throw verbal mud at one another. At times, they would even form alliances and fight against one another.

Some of their accusations were silly. One elder falsely accused a teenager of rebelliously going to the wrong Sunday school class. Even after the evidence cleared the teenager, the elder insisted he was right. But some of the accusations were destructive. A woman in the congregation was falsely accused of faking her illness. She died seven months after the accusation.

At this point, you may raise this question. “How could Christians act this way?” James answers the question for us in James 3:16. “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

Pastors, elders, deacons, and church members can fall into Satan’s trap of selfish ambition. I define selfish ambition as insisting on your way rather than seeking God’s will. Selfish ambition then motivates us to shoot bullets of slander and false accusations at our brothers and sisters.

But I have good news for you. James not only points out the problem, but he also gives us the antidote in verse 17. “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” The antidote for selfish ambition is to seek the wisdom that comes from above. In other words, we replace selfish ambition by seeking God’s wisdom.

Please understand not all ambition is sinful and destructive. The Christian with godly ambition practices the words found in II Cor. 5:9. “…we make it our aim to please Him.” Someone has given this translation of II Cor. 5:9. “… we are ambitious to please Him.”

Let me now share with you the first step you can take to root out selfish ambition from your life and ministry. The first step is to give up your dream for your church. “What? Renounce my dream? All the church growth books tell us to dream big dreams.”

But this is the key. Seek God’s vision for your life, ministry, and church. You find God’s dream by seeking the wisdom that comes from above. And we seek the wisdom from above through the study of scripture and prayer.

I wonder what would happen if pastors, church leaders, and members came together and prayed this prayer. “Lord, each of us now lay aside our dreams and ambitions for our church. We now seek your vision and dream. We will continue to pray until we are sure we know which direction will please you.”

I am not saying if you give up your selfish ambition and seek God’s dream everything will go smoothly. Satan will always raise his ugly head against us. Daniel Henderson has written, “We do well to remember that the devil hates a praying leader and a praying church.” (Old Paths, New Power p. 109) But having God’s purpose, mission, and dream will unite us to stand firm against the assaults of the enemy and to complete the ministry God has given to us.

Nor am I saying it is wrong to create a strategic plan. But to use an old worn out phrase, “We often put the cart before the horse.” We plan and then ask God to bless our plan rather than seeking God first for the plan. 

After a pastor’s conference, most pastors go home with excitement. “Now I know what I am going to do. I am going to start a Tuesday night prayer meeting like the Brooklyn Tabernacle. Or I am going to develop ministry teams like First Baptist in Denver. Or I am going to develop multi-campuses like Redeemer Presbyterian in Manhattan. Or I am going to…”

But wait a minute. Such seminars may add valuable insights. But did you take the time to pray with your leaders about the direction of your church? Or did you seek what you wanted rather than what God wanted for your church?

I am not referring to a quick prayer at the close of your leadership meeting, or a simple round of prayer among the leaders. I am talking about taking the time to wait upon the Lord in prayer and continuing to pray together until you are sure of God’s direction.  

Donald McDougall has written, “The bottom-line objective is for the leadership to face the fact that the church of which they are part is not their church; it is God’s church. And the people they lead are not their flock but very distinctly God’s flock. The purpose of their meetings is not to come to a consensus about running the church but to wait upon God to find out how He wishes His church to run.” (The Pastor’s Prayer Life pp. 145-148)

Why do we need to pray in this matter? Jesus is the Lord of the church. And since Jesus is the Lord of the church, he is the most important expert we need to consult. But there’s something else. Jesus died on the cross for His church. On the cross, Jesus showed His love for the church. You can, therefore, trust Jesus to lead your local church in the best possible direction.  

Years ago, a church experienced exponential growth. They were running out of room. There was conflict among the leaders. The senior pastor, staff, and elders had various opinions about how to solve this problem. Over the course of several months, they gave up their individual dreams. Then they started to seek God’s direction.

After several months of prayer, they finally came to complete agreement. God wanted them to start a new church in a neighboring community rather than building a bigger building. Since all the leaders were united, the congregation enthusiastically got behind the project.

In the new church, there were some surprises, disappointments, and struggles. But in the midst of their trials, they stayed united. They knew God called them to this ministry. That’s what can happen when we seek the wisdom that comes from above.

This approach to ministry should not surprise us. We see this concept at work in Acts 13. The early church did not call for a strategy meeting, then ask God to bless their plan. But it was while they were in prayer and fasting that God revealed His plan to send Paul and Barnabas out as missionaries.

I am not suggesting some strange and mystical approach to ministry, but that we give up our selfish ambition and wait on God in prayer. In this way, we seek the wisdom from above. As Henry Blackaby has written, “For Christians, God alone sets the agenda…The visions that drive spiritual leaders must be derived from God.” (Spiritual Leadership p. 69)

Daniel Henderson has also written in Old Paths, New Power, “When leaders pray openly and honestly with their people in pursuit of the face of God, hearts are united with Spirit-imparted affection and understanding. Health overflows.”

Conflict in the Church Part One

CONFLICT IN THE CHURCH

PART ONE

When I was a young pastor I was surprised by the amount of conflict in my church. At first, I thought I simply needed to find a better place of ministry. But I began to talk to other pastors and church leaders. I discovered American churches are full of conflict.

One of the main reasons for conflict in the church is our expectations on one another. We expect too much or expect the wrong things. Unfulfilled expectation leads to disappointment, and disappointment often produces conflict.

Years ago a person in my denomination did an informal study. They surveyed pastors and lay elders. They asked lay elders what pastors should accomplish each week, and they asked pastors what lay elders should perform each week.

The results were amazing. If the pastors completed all the elders’ expectation, it would take 90 hours per week to complete all the task. But if the lay elders accomplished the pastors’ expectation, it would take 60 hours a week to complete their work. This 60 hours of church work was beyond the lay elders secular job.

But there’s something else. Another study looked at the expectations on pastors. The research reveals the average church expects pastors to perform fourteen to sixteen skills. While most pastors only have four skills. If the average pastor only has four skills, this means the minister can never fulfill the expectations of the congregation. Within time the pastor will always disappoint their congregation.

How do we respond to these unrealistic expectations?

First, we need to make sure our expectations are Biblical.

In Acts 6:4 the Apostles made it clear their primary ministry was the preaching of God’s Word and prayer. To accomplish this task, they set up a group of seven deacons to take care of the distribution of food for the widows.

The Apostles were not saying waiting on tables was below their church position. They understood the ministry of the Word and prayer was more than enough for them to handle. Others could use their gifts, abilities, and talents to fulfill the other relevant ministries.

At this point, a pastor might make this proclamation to his lay leaders. “For now on I will only focus on the ministry of the Word and prayer. But most churches need a pastor who will gently and patiently speak into their lives. Such changes will take time. It took five years for me to bring about this change in a congregation.

I am not saying a pastor should only do the ministry of Word and prayer. But I am saying this. The primary ministry of a pastor is the ministry of the Word and prayer. The pastor and lay leaders, therefore, should work together to make this expectation clear to church members.

Second, we need to make sure our expectations are realistic.

Years ago a denomination sent a young pastor to a congregation. He was given this mandate. “Turn the congregation around.” The denominational leaders did not realize they were setting the young man up for failure. The out-migration of the community prevented the church from making a comeback.

There are a lot of unrealistic expectations on pastors. One lay leader expected his pastor to preach like RC Sproul. A couple insisted their pastor spend three or four days each week on the golf course doing evangelism. Even though there was no problem, a woman expected her pastor to visit her elderly parents each week. A deacon expected his pastor to visit each family in the church once a month.

In all the above situations the persons involved were well-meaning. They cared about the ministry of their church. But they did not understand their expectations were unrealistic and sharing their unrealistic expectations with others destroyed the ministry of their pastor. That’s why pastors and lay leaders need to work together to shape the expectations of church members.

Years ago at a church leadership meeting, I was accused of not doing enough visitation. Suddenly a deacon came to my rescue. He raised this question to the group. “Isn’t Dan always there when we need him.?” Everyone gave a resounding and confident, “Yes!” From that point on the congregation had a more realistic expectation of my ministry.

Conclusion

Years ago a lay leader said this to me. “The number one cause of church conflict is our expectations of one another.” I don’t know if this is the number one cause of church conflict. But I do know pastors, lay leaders, and church members need to raise this question to themselves. “Are my expectations Biblical and realistic?