Parents in Pain

My wife and I sat with a couple over desert. During our conversation Crystal raised this question to our new friends. “Are your children walking with the Lord?” Crystal and I often raise this question to Christian parents. But this time the answer was a little different than expected.

Now this is how the wife responded to our question. You could hear the pain in her voice. “I always expected my children to love Jesus as much as I do.” Then she went on to explain her disappointment that her children were not walking with the Lord.

Most Christian parents I know have one or more adult children who are not walking with the Lord. Some of those adult children walked away from the faith simply because they have a rebellious heart. But some walked away because they saw how people in the church treated one another.

But this is the problem. Christian parents often suffer in silence. They are afraid to share their parental pain with fellow believes. They know if they share their pain someone in the church will condemn them. After all, the Bible tells us if you train a child correctly, when they are older they will not depart from the faith. (Pro. 20:6)

But we need to understand this passage is not a promise. It is a principle. As a principle the Bible is telling us what normally happens. Here Solomon is making a general observation about life. If you raise your children correctly then they are more likely to walk with the Lord.

If we look at this verse as a promise rather than a principle several negative things can happen. First, a parent can become disappointed with God. “God you promised if I did my part you would do your part. Why did you not keep your promise? Why are my children not walking with the Lord?”

Second, a parent can be burden with false guilt. “I must have done something terribly wrong. If only I could figure out what I did wrong. Then I can confess my sin. Perhaps God would then answer my prayers for my children.”

Third, a parent can wrongly blame their spouse. Sometimes parents blame one another when their children are not walking with God. They throw accusations at one another. “If you would have done things differently our children would be walking with the Lord.”

Please don’t misunderstand me. The principle in Proverbs 20:6 is not to be taken lightly. If you do not take this principle seriously then most likely your children will not walk with the Lord. But again Proverbs 20:6 is a principle and not a promise

Yes, there are Christian parents who have blown it big time. But most Christian parents I know work hard to raise their children in the Lord. And if their children are not walking with the Lord there is a deep sense of hurt, pain, and guilt.

What Christian parents need most is a safe place. They need a safe place where they receive support rather than condemnation. They need a safe place where they can cry, and pour out their heart to a Christian who cares. They need a safe place where they are supported with the prayers of God’s people. And that safe place should be the local church.