CHURCH CONFLICT (A letter to my Friend)

Dear Timothy, (not his real name)

I appreciate your phone call last week. I was excited to hear about how God is using you to turn First Church around. (Not the real name of the church) I am also excited how God is using you to reach the lost in your town. It is clear that God has given you some special gifts. It also reveals what a “lay leader” can do.

However, I have some concerns I want to share with you. I hope you will consider the advice of an older man who has been in full time ministry for around 40 years. That does not mean I know it all. But at the age of 65 I have something to share with younger leaders.

First, I am concern about the history of First Church.

First church has a history of dishonoring pastors. Our organization has been involved with the pass three pastors of your church. First church sinned against them and dishonored them. Some of them were deeply hurt.

I am not saying that they did everything perfect. In fact, Dick and I warned one of the pastors to slow down. You are expecting too much, and moving too fast. He did not heed our advice. He then had to leave. This was very disappointing to us.  

Your leadership model may be the best thing for First Church. But God may not honor your efforts until the people repent for what they have done in the past. Repentance is often the first step in the recovery of a church.

Approximately three years ago a pastor led his church through the steps of repentance. They actually set aside a Sunday morning to confess their sins against their past pastors. Today the church is going in the right direction.

Remember both Daniel and Nehemiah confessed the sins of Israel even when they were not personally involved in the sin. Remember God honor both of their confessions. And God will also honor such a confession today.

Second, I am concern about the relationships of First Church.

Your church has a history of unresolved conflict. Some blame the past conflict on the pastors. But there is plenty of blame to go around. One of satan’s greatest tools is to get people to fight one another so that they cannot focus on the ministry.

But this is the bottom line. Most churches never learn how to practice the steps Jesus gave us in Matthew 18:1­5-20. If someone sins against me I am to go first to that person, and try to work out the problem with them. Or I am to overlook the offense.

Please understand Jesus gave these steps of discipline for a very important reason. He gave them not for us to prove our case. He gave these steps to bring about reconciliation between brothers and sisters. But more importantly, he gave these steps to bring glory to the Lord of the church, Jesus Christ.

What a difference it makes when we come together and listen to one another. What a difference it makes when we ask this question. “What have I done to hurt you?” Rather than always trying to prove a point.

Third, I am concern about the doctrine of First Church.

As an outsider I wonder, “Do the people at First Church really know and love Jesus?  Have they looked at their lives and realized they are doomed because of their sin? Have they looked at the cross and realized their only hope is in Christ Jesus? Perhaps things have not gone well in past because they do not know Jesus.

But I would go one step further. “Do they understand the doctrine of regeneration? Do they understand justification by faith alone in Christ alone? Do they understand sanctification? And do they understand imputed grace vs. infused grace? In other words, do they really understand the Gospel?

At first glance someone might say the above doctrines are unimportant. Just give me Jesus. But it is important for growing Christians to understand within time these important doctrines. And if handled correctly such doctrines will lead us to a better understanding of the beauty of Jesus.

Of course we find these doctrines in the Bible alone. So if your church succeeds they must become people of the Book. (I know you know this.) But if your people do not love the Bible and the preaching of God’s Word then your church will not glorify God.

Conclusion

From afar, I watch a church approximately two years ago fall apart. The church fell apart because they dishonored their pastor and his family. The church fell apart because they dishonored one another. The church fell apart because no one was willing to get the log out of their eye before they got the tooth pick out of their brother’s eye.

Please understand with my present duties all I can do to help is occasionally fill the pulpit. I have prayed in the past for First Church, and I will continue to pray for First Church in the future. And I know First Church could have a bright future.

Our Lord has given you a great challenge. But I know by the way you talk, you love the people at First Church. So keep loving them by showing them the Jesus of the Bible. He is the one who will change their lives and First Church.

Parents in Pain

My wife and I sat with a couple over desert. During our conversation Crystal raised this question to our new friends. “Are your children walking with the Lord?” Crystal and I often raise this question to Christian parents. But this time the answer was a little different than expected.

Now this is how the wife responded to our question. You could hear the pain in her voice. “I always expected my children to love Jesus as much as I do.” Then she went on to explain her disappointment that her children were not walking with the Lord.

Most Christian parents I know have one or more adult children who are not walking with the Lord. Some of those adult children walked away from the faith simply because they have a rebellious heart. But some walked away because they saw how people in the church treated one another.

But this is the problem. Christian parents often suffer in silence. They are afraid to share their parental pain with fellow believes. They know if they share their pain someone in the church will condemn them. After all, the Bible tells us if you train a child correctly, when they are older they will not depart from the faith. (Pro. 20:6)

But we need to understand this passage is not a promise. It is a principle. As a principle the Bible is telling us what normally happens. Here Solomon is making a general observation about life. If you raise your children correctly then they are more likely to walk with the Lord.

If we look at this verse as a promise rather than a principle several negative things can happen. First, a parent can become disappointed with God. “God you promised if I did my part you would do your part. Why did you not keep your promise? Why are my children not walking with the Lord?”

Second, a parent can be burden with false guilt. “I must have done something terribly wrong. If only I could figure out what I did wrong. Then I can confess my sin. Perhaps God would then answer my prayers for my children.”

Third, a parent can wrongly blame their spouse. Sometimes parents blame one another when their children are not walking with God. They throw accusations at one another. “If you would have done things differently our children would be walking with the Lord.”

Please don’t misunderstand me. The principle in Proverbs 20:6 is not to be taken lightly. If you do not take this principle seriously then most likely your children will not walk with the Lord. But again Proverbs 20:6 is a principle and not a promise

Yes, there are Christian parents who have blown it big time. But most Christian parents I know work hard to raise their children in the Lord. And if their children are not walking with the Lord there is a deep sense of hurt, pain, and guilt.

What Christian parents need most is a safe place. They need a safe place where they receive support rather than condemnation. They need a safe place where they can cry, and pour out their heart to a Christian who cares. They need a safe place where they are supported with the prayers of God’s people. And that safe place should be the local church.

False Accusations (Satan's Dirty Tricks)

Years ago I sat with a friend over coffee. During our conversation he said something which surprised me. He shared with me what two of my university students told him about their theology. My friend was concern that I was teaching the students false doctrine.

When I heard what the students told my friend I was really upset. I could not believe they would make such an off the wall commit. Then I stopped and thought for a few seconds. We can all sin, or misunderstand. But it was hard for me to believe the students said such a thing.

I then looked into my friends eyes. I gently raised this important question to him. “Did they really say that to you?” He looked down at his coffee cup. I could tell he felt uncomfortable. He then said this to me. “No, I just made it up.”

I have been in ministry for around forty years. I never cease to be surprise by how much false witnessing occurs in churches. A pastor lost his position because someone falsely accused him of lying. A woman was falsely accused of faking her illness by church leaders. A Sunday school teacher was falsely accused of being a bad teacher.

These are just a few examples that I have personally encountered. Some of the situations I have observed seem funny. Like the teenage boy who was falsely accused of going to the wrong Sunday school class. But such situations stop being funny when you understand the destructive nature of a false witness.

Creating a false witness is one of Satan’s dirty tricks. A false witness can destroy trust between God’s people. A false witness can keep God’s people fighting one another rather than focusing on the ministry. A false witness can ruin a pastor’s ministry and career.

How then can we prevent a false witness from destroying a church?

First, commit yourself to truth

Our God is a God of truth. And since our God is a God of truth, a false witness is a sin. In the Ten Commandments God tells us, “You shall not give a false witness.” If a false witness is an offense to God, then we should be careful not to give a false witness.

Proverbs 6:19 makes it clear that God hates a false witness.  And Jesus made this statement in Matthew 15:19. “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.”

A Christian committed to the truth understands the destructive nature of a false witness. They therefore do not just pass on what they hear to others. They want to make sure they never become a false witness.

Second, don’t fight another person’s battle.

I often see this type of situation. Someone comes to me with a complaint against another person. They may even be in tears. They explain the situation to me. I then ask if they talked personally with the person who sinned against them. They usually say, “No.” Then I respond by saying, “I will not speak for you. You must go and talk to them.”

Granted someone may come to me because they simply do not know what to do. And that’s an opportunity to instruct them. But far too often people come to me for one reason. They want me to fight their battle with or for them.

It is one thing to be an honest witness for an injured party. But it is something else just to jump on the accusatory bandwagon without knowing the facts. By insisting people follow Matthew 18:15-20 I help others resolve their relational problems in a way that glorifies God.

Third, understand the different types of false witnessing

A false witness can take various forms. A false witness can be an outright lie. A false witness can be an exaggeration of the truth. A false witness can occur when we do not tell the whole story. In other words, we leave out important facts. A false witness can happen when I remain silent. I know what is said about a person is false, but I do not stand up for them.

It has been my experience most false witnessing is based upon a misunderstanding, or a wrong perception of the truth. We do not take the time to check out the information. We pass on what we hear. Without even knowing it, we become a false witness.

We need to raise the following questions to ourselves. Do I really understand the truth about this situation?  Is it right for me to be involved in this particular situation? If I pass on the information given to me, how will it affect others?

Conclusion

Years ago a church in the mid-west had a serious problem with gossip. When information was passed around the church, the facts often got confusing. Without knowing it, many church members became false witnesses. Sad to say, this type of situation occurred in this church year after year.

One young adult decided to do things differently. When someone brought “juicy” information about another person she simply put her hand up and said this to the person. “Stop, I don’t need to hear this. You go and talk to the person that offended you.”

Within time the problem with gossip diminished. It is amazing how one person can make a difference. We therefore need to practice the words found in Ephesians 5:25. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."

WHAT YOUR PASTOR NEEDS MOST

PART 1

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A few weeks ago I was listening to a seasoned pastor describe his ministry. It was easy to see that he loved people. He had a pleasant personality. He was a good communicator. Most churches would love to have him as their pastor.

The more I listen the more I realized his success was the result of something much deeper than personality or methods. My friend was a man of prayer. But just as important my friend also has a prayer support team.

Most pastors I know begin their ministry with enthusiasm. They love God. They are excited to teach God’s Word, and point people to Christ. They want to make a difference in people’s lives. So they whole heartily give themselves to the ministry.

But within time a serious problem develops. Pastors are not taught to lookout for this problem in Bible College or Seminary. Nor do their best friends in ministry warn them. They simply do not realize that they will soon become a target of Satan. And since they do not have a prayer support team they get machine gun down by the enemy.            

I am amazed at the unfair criticism pastors receive today. The very people they love and serve can bite them. Sometimes the wounds are so deep that pastors and their family members feel that they cannot continue in ministry. So they drop out. In fact, around 2,000 pastors dropout of ministry each month.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that all pastors are perfect. Pastors make mistakes. There are times someone needs to come alone side of them, and speak into their lives. There are times pastors need to be corrected.

But I wonder what would happen, if instead of unfair criticism, we got behind each pastor with prayer. I wonder what would happen if each pastor had a prayer support team. Perhaps less pastors would drop out of ministry. But more importantly, we would see the church taking more territory away from Satan rather than Satan destroying a pastor’s ministry and family.

The Apostle Paul understood the need for a prayer support team. In Ephesians 6:19 Paul asked the Christians at Ephesus to pray for him so that he would make the Gospel clear. We actually have eight recorded events in the New Testament where Paul directly or indirectly ask for prayer. (Rom. 15:20; II Cor. 1:11; Phil. 1:19; Col. 1:4; I Thess. 5:25; II Thess. 3:1; Phm. 1:22)

Now this is the bottom line. If the Apostle Paul understood the need for a prayer support team how much more do pastors today need a prayer support team. Paul understood that God has ordained prayer as the means by which we together take more and more territory away from Satan.

Years ago I attended the memorial service. After the grave side service the family members met for dinner. The pastor who led the memorial service joined us for dinner. I was delighted that I was given the privilege of sitting beside him. We had a great conversation.

At the end of dinner a short man stopped by our table. He placed his hand on his pastor’s shoulder. Then he made this announce to me. The proclamation was made with love and respect for the pastor.  Now this is what he said to me. “Sunday is Easter, and our pastor is going to do a great job. He is going to do a great job because we pray for our pastor.”

My pastor friend was embarrassed by the over exuberance of emotions from one of his church members. But I was delighted that my friend had a prayer support team. Most pastors I know do not have this type of support.

Let me raise this important question to you. “Will you be your pastor’s prayer support team?” Please think about this for a moment. Today you might be the only person who takes time to pray for your pastor and his family. We know prayer makes a difference because God has ordained the means of pray to take more and more territory away from Satan.

  

WHY MILLENNIALS ARE LEAVING EVANGELICAL CHURCHES

The alarm has been sounded. Millennials are leaving evangelical churches. Some millennials have completely walked away from the church. They plan never to return. Others have join the Roman Catholic or the Greek Orthodox Churches.

During the past four decades evangelical churches have worked hard to find the magic bullet to retain their young adults. A lot of energy has gone into developing youth groups, Sunday school programs, Christian schools, and homeschools.

I am not saying all these programs were a waste of time, money, and energy. Young adults can testify how God has used these efforts to change their lives. But in the end, none of these efforts have kept the vast number millennials in evangelical churches.

It is important for us not to put all millennials in the same box. There are a variety of reasons why millennials have left evangelical churches. Let me share with you five reasons why millennials have left evangelical churches. There may be other reasons, but let me focus of the following five reasons.

First, some millennials have rebelled against the Gospel.

There comes a time when every young adult needs to make a choice. Is the Christian faith my religion, or is it just my parent’s religion? In this case it is wrong to blame the parents or the church for their rebellion. They decided on their own not to follow Jesus.

I sat a long time with Doug. He was raised in a Christian home. He made one objection after another against Christianity. But none of my answers satisfied him. I soon learned his objections were just a smoke screen. He did not need more information. He rejected the Gospel because he wanted to hold on to his immoral lifestyle. He was in rebellion against God.

Second, some millennials have been deeply wounded.

Sally was deeply hurt by her church experience. The leaders of her church accused her mother and other church members of faking their illness. The leadership rejected her brother because his hair was slightly long. The leaders also put down other young adults when there was absolutely nothing wrong.

You might conclude this was just an unusual situation. But this type situation happens more than we want to admit. Some millennials have been deeply wounded by church bullies. No one cared to do anything about the situation. The church was not a safe place for them. So they left.

Third, some millennials have not been trained.

Whether a young adult enters the job market, goes to college or joins the military they are going to raise questions about the faith. But if we focus on making disciples rather than converts then we will welcome their questions. We will also do our best to answer their questions. It’s not enough to say to them-“Just have faith.” We need to help them find the right answer.

When I was a university student I had an important question. “How do I know the Bible is God’s Word?” I am so glad there were Christians in my life who could answer my question. It made a difference knowing that I could trust the Bible.

Fourth, some millennials are surprised by suffering.

A few years ago my son started a business. A Christian lady said this to him. “If you walk correctly before the Lord then your business will be a great success.” I know this Christian lady meant well. But I also know Christians who experienced a business failure. It was not their fault. And they were walking correctly with the Lord.                                                                                                                                                                          

We sometimes give the wrong impression that Jesus will give u a life of ease. But we need to make sure everyone in the church has a proper theology of suffering. Without a theology of suffering a person may be blown away by Satan’s fiery darts. We need to teach that God calls us to suffering, and the Christian faith is worth dying for. (Phil. 1:29)

Fifth, some millennials are surprised by hypocrisy.

It is a shock for a young adult to suddenly discover there is hypocrisy in their church. When they were young their understanding about their church was limited. Now that they are older they can see the conflict in the church. The hypocrisy and self-righteousness in their church may lead them to conclude- the church is no different from the world. So why bother?

Most millennials are not looking for perfection. But when they see church leaders come down hard on young adults, but overlook the sin of older adults, they know something is wrong. And that’s not the type of church they want to be part of.

Conclusion

How should we respond to the millennials leaving evangelical churches? In some cases we need to ask for forgiveness. We also need to better prepare teens and young adults for the future. And we need to provide solid answers to their questions.

But I think the senior citizens in my hometown church had it right. They met Monday through Friday from 10 am to noon for prayer. They prayed fervently for the young adults. They refused to give up. They continued to pray even for those who walked away from the faith.

They understood something important. It is the preaching of the Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit that regenerates a person’s life. (Rom. 10:17) And that’s why prayer is so important. I know of a mother who prayed for thirty years for the salvation of her daughter. God answered her prayer. And now she is so glad that she never gave up. She kept praying.

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