CURING CHURCH CONFLICT

CURING CHURCH CONFLICT

The members of First Church (not the real name of the church) consistently made false accusations against one another. They would regularly throw verbal mud at one another. At times, they would even form alliances and fight against one another.

Some of their accusations were silly. One elder falsely accused a teenager of rebelliously going to the wrong Sunday school class. Even after the evidence cleared the teenager, the elder insisted he was right. But some of the accusations were destructive. A woman in the congregation was falsely accused of faking her illness. She died seven months after the accusation.

At this point, you may raise this question. “How could Christians act this way?” James answers the question for us in James 3:16. “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

Pastors, elders, deacons, and church members can fall into Satan’s trap of selfish ambition. I define selfish ambition as insisting on your way rather than seeking God’s will. Selfish ambition then motivates us to shoot bullets of slander and false accusations at our brothers and sisters.

But I have good news for you. James not only points out the problem, but he also gives us the antidote in verse 17. “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” The antidote for selfish ambition is to seek the wisdom that comes from above. In other words, we replace selfish ambition by seeking God’s wisdom.

Please understand not all ambition is sinful and destructive. The Christian with godly ambition practices the words found in II Cor. 5:9. “…we make it our aim to please Him.” Someone has given this translation of II Cor. 5:9. “… we are ambitious to please Him.”

Let me now share with you the first step you can take to root out selfish ambition from your life and ministry. The first step is to give up your dream for your church. “What? Renounce my dream? All the church growth books tell us to dream big dreams.”

But this is the key. Seek God’s vision for your life, ministry, and church. You find God’s dream by seeking the wisdom that comes from above. And we seek the wisdom from above through the study of scripture and prayer.

I wonder what would happen if pastors, church leaders, and members came together and prayed this prayer. “Lord, each of us now lay aside our dreams and ambitions for our church. We now seek your vision and dream. We will continue to pray until we are sure we know which direction will please you.”

I am not saying if you give up your selfish ambition and seek God’s dream everything will go smoothly. Satan will always raise his ugly head against us. Daniel Henderson has written, “We do well to remember that the devil hates a praying leader and a praying church.” (Old Paths, New Power p. 109) But having God’s purpose, mission, and dream will unite us to stand firm against the assaults of the enemy and to complete the ministry God has given to us.

Nor am I saying it is wrong to create a strategic plan. But to use an old worn out phrase, “We often put the cart before the horse.” We plan and then ask God to bless our plan rather than seeking God first for the plan. 

After a pastor’s conference, most pastors go home with excitement. “Now I know what I am going to do. I am going to start a Tuesday night prayer meeting like the Brooklyn Tabernacle. Or I am going to develop ministry teams like First Baptist in Denver. Or I am going to develop multi-campuses like Redeemer Presbyterian in Manhattan. Or I am going to…”

But wait a minute. Such seminars may add valuable insights. But did you take the time to pray with your leaders about the direction of your church? Or did you seek what you wanted rather than what God wanted for your church?

I am not referring to a quick prayer at the close of your leadership meeting, or a simple round of prayer among the leaders. I am talking about taking the time to wait upon the Lord in prayer and continuing to pray together until you are sure of God’s direction.  

Donald McDougall has written, “The bottom-line objective is for the leadership to face the fact that the church of which they are part is not their church; it is God’s church. And the people they lead are not their flock but very distinctly God’s flock. The purpose of their meetings is not to come to a consensus about running the church but to wait upon God to find out how He wishes His church to run.” (The Pastor’s Prayer Life pp. 145-148)

Why do we need to pray in this matter? Jesus is the Lord of the church. And since Jesus is the Lord of the church, he is the most important expert we need to consult. But there’s something else. Jesus died on the cross for His church. On the cross, Jesus showed His love for the church. You can, therefore, trust Jesus to lead your local church in the best possible direction.  

Years ago, a church experienced exponential growth. They were running out of room. There was conflict among the leaders. The senior pastor, staff, and elders had various opinions about how to solve this problem. Over the course of several months, they gave up their individual dreams. Then they started to seek God’s direction.

After several months of prayer, they finally came to complete agreement. God wanted them to start a new church in a neighboring community rather than building a bigger building. Since all the leaders were united, the congregation enthusiastically got behind the project.

In the new church, there were some surprises, disappointments, and struggles. But in the midst of their trials, they stayed united. They knew God called them to this ministry. That’s what can happen when we seek the wisdom that comes from above.

This approach to ministry should not surprise us. We see this concept at work in Acts 13. The early church did not call for a strategy meeting, then ask God to bless their plan. But it was while they were in prayer and fasting that God revealed His plan to send Paul and Barnabas out as missionaries.

I am not suggesting some strange and mystical approach to ministry, but that we give up our selfish ambition and wait on God in prayer. In this way, we seek the wisdom from above. As Henry Blackaby has written, “For Christians, God alone sets the agenda…The visions that drive spiritual leaders must be derived from God.” (Spiritual Leadership p. 69)

Daniel Henderson has also written in Old Paths, New Power, “When leaders pray openly and honestly with their people in pursuit of the face of God, hearts are united with Spirit-imparted affection and understanding. Health overflows.”

Conflict in the Church Part One

CONFLICT IN THE CHURCH

PART ONE

When I was a young pastor I was surprised by the amount of conflict in my church. At first, I thought I simply needed to find a better place of ministry. But I began to talk to other pastors and church leaders. I discovered American churches are full of conflict.

One of the main reasons for conflict in the church is our expectations on one another. We expect too much or expect the wrong things. Unfulfilled expectation leads to disappointment, and disappointment often produces conflict.

Years ago a person in my denomination did an informal study. They surveyed pastors and lay elders. They asked lay elders what pastors should accomplish each week, and they asked pastors what lay elders should perform each week.

The results were amazing. If the pastors completed all the elders’ expectation, it would take 90 hours per week to complete all the task. But if the lay elders accomplished the pastors’ expectation, it would take 60 hours a week to complete their work. This 60 hours of church work was beyond the lay elders secular job.

But there’s something else. Another study looked at the expectations on pastors. The research reveals the average church expects pastors to perform fourteen to sixteen skills. While most pastors only have four skills. If the average pastor only has four skills, this means the minister can never fulfill the expectations of the congregation. Within time the pastor will always disappoint their congregation.

How do we respond to these unrealistic expectations?

First, we need to make sure our expectations are Biblical.

In Acts 6:4 the Apostles made it clear their primary ministry was the preaching of God’s Word and prayer. To accomplish this task, they set up a group of seven deacons to take care of the distribution of food for the widows.

The Apostles were not saying waiting on tables was below their church position. They understood the ministry of the Word and prayer was more than enough for them to handle. Others could use their gifts, abilities, and talents to fulfill the other relevant ministries.

At this point, a pastor might make this proclamation to his lay leaders. “For now on I will only focus on the ministry of the Word and prayer. But most churches need a pastor who will gently and patiently speak into their lives. Such changes will take time. It took five years for me to bring about this change in a congregation.

I am not saying a pastor should only do the ministry of Word and prayer. But I am saying this. The primary ministry of a pastor is the ministry of the Word and prayer. The pastor and lay leaders, therefore, should work together to make this expectation clear to church members.

Second, we need to make sure our expectations are realistic.

Years ago a denomination sent a young pastor to a congregation. He was given this mandate. “Turn the congregation around.” The denominational leaders did not realize they were setting the young man up for failure. The out-migration of the community prevented the church from making a comeback.

There are a lot of unrealistic expectations on pastors. One lay leader expected his pastor to preach like RC Sproul. A couple insisted their pastor spend three or four days each week on the golf course doing evangelism. Even though there was no problem, a woman expected her pastor to visit her elderly parents each week. A deacon expected his pastor to visit each family in the church once a month.

In all the above situations the persons involved were well-meaning. They cared about the ministry of their church. But they did not understand their expectations were unrealistic and sharing their unrealistic expectations with others destroyed the ministry of their pastor. That’s why pastors and lay leaders need to work together to shape the expectations of church members.

Years ago at a church leadership meeting, I was accused of not doing enough visitation. Suddenly a deacon came to my rescue. He raised this question to the group. “Isn’t Dan always there when we need him.?” Everyone gave a resounding and confident, “Yes!” From that point on the congregation had a more realistic expectation of my ministry.

Conclusion

Years ago a lay leader said this to me. “The number one cause of church conflict is our expectations of one another.” I don’t know if this is the number one cause of church conflict. But I do know pastors, lay leaders, and church members need to raise this question to themselves. “Are my expectations Biblical and realistic?

THE NEBUCHADNEZZAR TRAP

The Nebuchadnezzar Trap

(This was published by Pastors 4 Pastors Last Week)

When I was a young pastor I decided to look for a mentor. I wanted to learn from a more experienced pastor. When I sat down over coffee with the man I thought would become my mentor, he completely surprised me. He informed me that he was retiring from the ministry in a few months.

Sad to say, the end of his ministry was not joyful. In fact, he felt like a failure. He even said this to me. "I always thought that I would pastor a large church with a large choir. I did not think I would be stuck in small churches."

I walked away from the meeting with a deep concern for my new friend. For whether you feel like a success or like a failure, when we judge others or ourselves by worldly standards we fall into what I call "The Nebuchadnezzar Trap." Let me explain.

Remember in Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar was walking on the roof of his palace and looked out over the city of Babylon. He then said this to himself. "Look, at this wonderful city. I built it with my own hands." (my paraphrase) At that moment God struck Nebuchadnezzar with mental illness until he had a change of heart.

At this point someone might protest. "Why was God so hard on Nebuchadnezzar?" Perhaps there are many reasons why God was so hard on Nebuchadnezzar. I get the idea from the text that God loved Nebuchadnezzar. God loved him enough to discipline him.

But there is one thing we must learn from this passage. This lesson is important for every pastor and every Christian to learn and understand.  God will not share his glory with another person.

Nebuchadnezzar had little concern about God's kingdom. He was only concerned about his own kingdom. He did not acknowledge that his abilities, strength, and knowledge came from God. He therefore glorified himself rather than God. That's why God was so hard on Nebuchadnezzar.

The Apostle Paul had a different attitude. He made this statement about himself in I Corinthians 15:10. "By the grace of God I am what I am..." Since Paul saw his salvation and ministry as a work of God's grace, he glorified God rather than himself.

Pastor, let me raise this question to you. "Are you building God's kingdom or your own kingdom?" The answer is often found in how we talk about ourselves and our ministry.

Do you talk about your life and ministry like Nebuchadnezzar? "Look what I have done with my own hands? Look at how great I am." Or do you talk about your life and ministry like the Apostle Paul? "Look at what God has done through me. To him be glory and honor."  

Imagine for a moment this was your last day on earth. "How would you evaluate your life and ministry?" I would like to apply what Jesus said about himself to my own life in John 17:4. "I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do."

Remember my pastor friend? He needed to be reminded of this one important fact. If your mission is to glorify God in whatever he has given you to do, even if it is the smallest ministry on earth, then you are not a failure in God's kingdom.

There is a hymn that I have not heard sung for many years. Besides the scriptures this hymn has helped me check my pride which I need to do every day. Let me share the words with you. Please make a special note of the third stanza.

"Father, I know that all my life is portioned out for me; the changes that are sure to come, I do not fear to see; I ask thee for a present mind, intent on pleasing thee.

I would not have the restless will that hurries to and fro, seeking for some great thing to do, or secret thing to know; I would be treated as a child, and guided where I go.

I ask thee for the daily strength, to none that ask denied; a mind to blend with outward life, while keeping at thy side, content to fill a little space, if thou be glorified.

In service which thy will appoints there are no bounds for me; my secret heart is taught the truth that makes thy children free; a life of self-renouncing love is one of liberty."

Father, I know

Anna Waring 1850

THE CHURCH'S GREATEST NEED

THE CHURCH’S GREATEST NEED

When I was a young man I pastored a university church. The church was made up of professors, grad students, and undergrads. The congregation also had a few military officers and enlisted men. There was even a few farmers in the group.

In one day, I could be on the university campus talking about apologetic with an under grad student, visiting the officer’s club on base, and even sitting on the back of a tractor. It was an exciting ministry.

But in the midst of all that God was doing, there was something about the leaders of the church that bothered me. I could not put my finger on the problem. I just kept sensing something terrible was wrong. 

One day I started to get a small glimpse into the problem. An elder was upset with me. What was my terrible crime? He let me know that I did not need to give the Gospel from the pulpit. It was not needed or even helpful.

Now this is what I discovered. Even though my elders could skate rings around my knowledge of the Bible, theology, and church history, they did not truly know Jesus. They did not have a regenerated heart. Within time they walked away from the faith and their families.

Today, American evangelicals grieve over their loss of cultural influence. Some propose the answer is church unity. (Churches in the community working together.) Others call for more prayer. Others tell us the answer is teaching our churches systematic theology. And still others think the answer is expositor preaching. (I love expository sermons.)

Please do not get me wrong. All the above elements are important. They have their place in the church. But this is the problem. There are many in our pews who do not truly know Jesus. They do not have a regenerated heart.

I was surprised to discover my elders did not know Jesus. After all, both the Presbyterian Church in America and the Orthodox Presbyterian Church take great care to make sure their elders and members have a true testimony of Christ’s redeeming grace in their lives.  

But it is possible for a person to fool themselves into thinking they know Christ when they do not know him at all. Remember Jesus warns us at the end of time there will be people who think they are eternally secure, but Jesus will tell them to depart from him. (Mat. 7:23)

Perhaps the greatest need in the American Church today is to follow the example of the Apostle Paul, Jonathan Edwards, and George Whitefield. They were not ashamed of the Gospel.(Rom. 1:16) In their preaching they made everyone aware of their need for a regenerated heart. They called upon everyone to confess their sin and make Jesus their Lord and Savior.

Why were they so concern to make sure their listeners understood the need for a regenerated heart? They had a love for lost souls. They knew without a regenerated heart people would spend eternity in hell.

I am not saying every sermon should be an evangelistic sermon. But I am saying this—On Sunday morning there will be people in our churches who do not know Jesus. There may even be church members who thought they knew Jesus, but are far from him.  We therefore need to take every opportunity to give the Gospel from the pulpit.

CREATING A SPIRITUAL REVOLUTION

CREATING A SPIRITUAL REVOLUTION

I stood on the front porch watching the parade of cars entering the drive way. When the cars stopped my university students quickly got out of their automobiles. They unpacked their luggage, and headed to their assigned bedrooms.  My area director then congratulated me on getting so many students to come to our leadership training program.

But it all started three years before this event.  Inter-Varsity was disappointed in the ministry at the University of Maryland at Baltimore County (UMBC). The Christian group on campus was large, but had little impact on the university. The student leaders were filled with pride. When my area director assigned me to UMBC my heart flooded with fear. “Please, God don’t send me to UMBC.”

Then I read Robert Coleman’s book THE MASTER PLAN OF EVANGELISM. In his book Coleman showed how Jesus trained the twelve disciples without neglecting the masses. Jesus spent even more time with his inner core of disciples—Peter, James, and John.

I decided to put Jesus’ principles to work. I started to look for men at UMBC to disciple. I looked for men who met the requirements of II Timothy 2:2. Men who were faithful, and able to pass on what they learned to other students.

After a year I could only find three men who met the qualifications. But three men were better than none. So I started to pour my life into the three men. I decide to teach them everything I knew from the scriptures.

We met once a week for Bible study. Through the Book of Acts I taught the men how to study the Bible. To be in the group you had to agree to spend at least one half hour each day preparing for the Bible study. After the Bible study we spent at least a half hour in prayer. Sometimes we spent the entire meeting in prayer.

There was another requirement. At the end of each meeting I required the students to think through how to apply the passage to our lives. This might involve a group project, or simply some type of personal application.

At the end of the school year it was time for these three men to start their own groups. But like a fading campfire my enthusiasm was quickly extinguished. One student became fearful of leadership, and another student allowed pride to get the best of him. So I ended up with just one group leader.

I am happy to report the student with pride confessed his sin. God enabled him to turn his life around. Now there were two groups. The next year we added more groups. Then we started to include the ladies. Finally, I was spending time training small group leaders.

As the ministry developed I had the privilege of preaching each week before an increasing number of students at the large group meetings. I trained a number of students each year in evangelism. We saw a number students come to Christ. Occasionally, I would do an evangelistic sermon on campus. The evangelistic sermon was always followed by a Q&A session for non-believers.

We even did a Bible distribution. Every student on campus receive a complete Bible. Surprisingly, the Bible distribution opened the doors for conversations with the Jewish students. One Jewish student said this to me. “I did not know Jesus had a mother named Mary.” He just read the New Testament for the first time in his life.

I knew we turned the corner when a student stood to his feet and interrupted our large group meeting. This student was critical of my ministry. I therefore did not expect what came out of his mouth. “I want to ask Dan and the student leaders to forgive me. I have been very critical. But now I see Dan has taken time to lay a firm foundation.”

As I look back on the past forty years of ministry I have had the privilege of serving Christ’s Church as a university minister, church planter, lead pastor, a corporate chaplain, and a pastor to pastors. I have also been used by God to revitalize more than one church.

With my background and experience this is what I am asking God to do in the American Church:

1.      That churches allow and encourage pastors to practice Acts 6:4. Pastors need to focus on the ministry of the Word and prayer. The type of discipleship I am talking about includes the ministry of God’s Word.

2.      That pastors be given the time needed to disciple two or three key individuals. We often focus on the fast track to numbers rather than focusing on discipleship. We therefore do not lay the foundation needed for a strong local church.

3.      That church leaders organize the ministries of the church around people’s gifts. Most churches force members to work in pre-existing programs rather discovering and using the members’ gifts. This frustrates the body of Christ.

4.      That each pastor be encouraged to join a small pastor support group. (Three to six pastors) A place where they are safe to share their deepest concerns, and rejoice together in the victories God has given them. Rather than competing with other pastors.

A revival is a sovereign act of God’s grace. You cannot make it happen. God decides when and where a revival will take place. But it only makes sense to use the same principles Jesus used to minister to others. When we use His principle we just might see a spiritual revolution.

No Regrets

Shortly after his 80th birthday Larry King interviewed Billy Graham. During the interview Larry King said this to Graham. "It must be rewarding to you to look back on your life and not have to live with regrets."

 

This is how Billy Graham responded to Larry King's statement. "I am the greatest failure of all men. I was too much with men and too little with God. I was too busy with business meetings and even conducting services. I should have been more with God, and people would've sensed God's presence about me when they were with me. "

 

I don't know about you, but Graham's evaluation about his life took me by surprise. Perhaps his statement "I am the greatest failure..." is not a fair evaluation of himself.  Perhaps he was too hard on himself. But whether you are a Billy Graham fan or not, there are two important statements in Graham's response that we need to consider.

 

First, Graham made the statement- "I spent too much time with men and little with God."

 

Years ago I led a weekend training conference entitled "Go Free" for college students. The weekend centered around God's grace. With a better understanding of God's grace, the students were motivated to spend time with God out of gratitude rather than out of guilt.

 

But let's face the facts. There is often a tension in a pastor's life. On the one hand, we want to spend time with God. But on the other hand, we feel compelled to please men by fulfilling someone else's agenda.

 

Let's be fair. There are times in which we are called to do difficult things. Like the pastor who took care of his dying wife. In such cases, it may be difficult to spend time with God. But our norm should be to spend unrushed time with God.

 

I have a dream that the American church will someday in the future practice the words found in Acts 6:4. Remember the Apostles asked the congregations to choose deacons so they could focus on the ministry of the Word and prayer. The Apostles therefore said this to the congregation in Acts 6:4. "But we will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word."

 

Let me encourage you to raise this question at your next leadership meeting. "How can we, in our particular situation, practice Acts 6:4? Then as a leadership team ask God for the grace to implement Acts 6:4. It will make a difference in your life and ministry.

 

Second, Graham made this statement- "I should have been more with God and people would have sensed God's presence about me when they were with me"

 

I find Acts 4:13 to be an amazing verse. "Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus."

 

Notice the sentence at the end of verse 13. "And they recognized that they have been with Jesus." The religious leaders saw Peter and John were uneducated. They understood Peter and John were common men. At the same time, they recognized that they had been with Jesus.

 

Let me raise this important question to you. "How would the members of your church evaluate your life and ministry? Perhaps they would describe you as a great Bible teacher, an excellent counselor, a good organizer, or a standard bearer for the truth.

 

All the above are good things. We want to teach God's Word with excellence. The people of God need us to point them to the wisdom that comes from above. Your church needs you to be the best possible shepherd.

 

But can the members of your congregation tell that you have been with Jesus? If this is not true, then ask God for the grace to change your schedule so you can spend time in personal Bible study and prayer. For the more you spend time with Jesus the more you will become like Jesus.

 

Conclusion

 

A few years ago a church planter in my denomination was frustrated. As he evaluated his ministry he realized that he was not spending time with God. When he started to spend time with God, the ministry turned around.

 

He also learned this important lesson about spending time with God. It was not so much the amount of time he spent with God that made the difference, but his commitment to spend consistent and unrushed time with God.

 

Jesus is our example. He never neglected His time with the Father. He was often found in prayer early in the morning. There were times he retreated to an isolated area to spend extended time with God. The priority of His life was his relationship with the Father.

 

Every situation is different. My aim is to invite you to spend time with the Father out of gratitude, not guilt. And I especially want to be sensitive to our bi-vocational pastors. I admire bi-vocational pastors. They often carry a heavy burden, but Billy Graham's words need to be considered.

 

Let me encourage you to think through this important question. "What is the one thing I need to do to make sure I am spending proper time with God? It would be a terrible thing to come to the end of your life, and make this evaluation of yourself. "I spent too much time with men, and not enough time with God."

DISAPPOINTED WITH THE CHURCH (7 Important Directives)

DISAPPOINTED WITH THE CHURCH

(7 Important Directives)

Years ago a group of teenagers got together for a meeting. They were all from the same church. They watched their Christian parents war against one another. During their meeting one teenager said this to the group. “We get along fine. Why can't our parents get along?” The teenagers were deeply disappointed with their church.

I regularly meet Christians who are disappointed with their church. Some are disappointed that they are not allowed to use their gifts and talents in the church. Others are disappointed in the moral failure of church leaders. Still others are disappointed at their church's lack of Biblical teaching.

We could probably make a long list of things which disappoint Christians about their church. But this is the main reason why Christians are disappointment in their church. People are disappointed with their church because they see how Christians sometimes treat one another.

What should we do when we feel disappointed in the church?

First, when we are disappointed in the church we need to look at the cross. When we look at the cross we are reminded of an important truth. I am a sinner saved by grace. Since I am a sinner saved by grace, I should walk in humility before God and with my fellow believers.

But there's something else. When a Christian disappoints us we need to remember Christ also died on the cross for them. They are therefore important to Jesus. And since they are important to Jesus they should also be important to us.

Second, when we are disappointed in the church we need to look at ourselves. It is possible that someone has deeply hurt us, and we are innocent of wrong doing. But we need to raise this question to ourselves. “Have I done anything to help cause this problem.

Remember Jesus made this declaration in Luke 6:42. “How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye.”

Third, when we are disappoint in the church we need to ask God for wisdom. We need wisdom from God on how to handle a church or family conflict. (Jas.1:5) Should I overlook an offense? (Prov. 19:11) Or should I follow the steps found in Matthew 18:15-17? We need wisdom to know what is the best course of action.

Sad to say, most Christians misunderstand the purpose of Matthew 18. The purpose of Matthew 18 is not to prove my point. The purpose of Matthew 18 is to seek reconciliation. What a difference it makes if I go to a meeting seeking reconciliation.

Fifth, when you are disappointed in the church we need to guard against bitterness. Both the Apostle Paul and the writer to the Hebrews warn us about bitterness. (Eph. 4:31 & Heb. 12:15) Bitterness will take you down the road of vindictiveness, and bitterness will rob you of Christian joy.

Ask God for the grace not to allow bitterness to fill your heart. The antidote for bitterness is always forgiveness. So we also need to ask God for the grace to forgive. Our willingness to forgive is a sign that we truly belong to God.

Sixth, when we are disappointed in the church we need to use our hurt for God's glory. I am sure you remember this old saying. “If the world gives you lemons then make lemon aid.” Now this is how you can use your situation for God's glory. Ask God to use your hurt as a platform for ministry.

You can turn your anger, hurt, and disappointment into something positive by focusing your life on helping those with the same problem. You can practice the words found in II Cor.1:3&4. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction...”

Seventh, when we are disappointed in the church we need to pray for everyone involved. Jesus gave this instruction in Matthew 6:27&28. "But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”

How do we pray for those who disappoint us.” If they are not believers we need to pray for their salvation. But if they are true believers we need to pray that they will experience God's grace in their own lives. We also need to pray for reconciliation.

Conclusion

When our children were young it was easy to hide church problems from them. As they grew older they began to see the problems with their own eyes. The very people they admired in the church would sometimes produce the greatest disappointment in their lives.

When they were disappointed in the church a wise woman (their mother) would say this to them. “Don't judge Jesus by the wrong behavior of a few Christians.” In other words, don't allow the behavior of few to color how you look at Jesus and His church.

You may have been deeply hurt by the church. If this is true, then my heart goes out to you. But please remember this important truth. Jesus loves the church. We see our Lord's love for the church on the cross. It was on the cross that Jesus died for the church.

So lest me give this final word. In the mist of your hurt and pain, ask God for the grace to love the church. Ask God to give you the same love Jesus has for the church. To love the church the way Jesus loves the church means to love God's people even when they disappoint us. But always remember this important truth. God can give you the grace to love those who have disappointed us.